We're All Together Now

Gavin's First Bath at Home

We welcomed Gavin home Saturday morning, after nearly 7 days in the NICU. While each day seemed to pass very slowly, looking back on the week it seems to have passed quickly. The hardest part for me was that I desperately wanted to be in two places at once. When I was in the hospital with Gavin, I was homesick and missed Kirby and Connor; when I came home in the evenings, I had an empty feeling knowing I had left Gavin all alone in the hospital. It's funny how even before we got him home, our house felt empty without him. I found myself physically and emotionally exhausted and I just kind of shut down. I was unable to place the calls I promised I would make when Gavin was born, I couldn't bring myself to e-mail. I just wanted the quiet cocoon of family around me. My way of finally letting the bulk of our friends know what was going on was to update my Facebook status - which is something I almost never do - with news of the NICU discharge.

The warmer where Gavin spent his first couple of NICU days.
(Note the "Baby's 1st Christmas bear the boys made him at Build-a-Bear)


Gavin and Adoring Dad the Day Before Discharge

We left the hospital with a much healthier baby but still, a baby on oxygen. Test results came daily and by the time Gavin was discharged we knew that in addition to the bacterial infection, he also had some sort of virus, which is likely what necessitated the oxygen. Our pediatrician decided today to leave him on oxygen for at least another week. While it is a pain to navigate around the hose and the tanks, we are so happy to have him home that it's a small sacrifice.

I cannot believe how much fun it has been to have a new baby in our house! He fits right in and so far, has slept great both his nights at home (cue: me knocking on wood). I decided to try something new, and moved him right into his own crib. Months (and years) of children who didn't sleep well had me convinced that we've got to get into some sort of routine right off the bat. I'm following his sleep rhythms, not putting him on a schedule, and am surprised to find that he's a pretty regular little sleeper who goes down right after eating and lets me get some solid blocks of sleep during the night.

The most precious part of my day the past few days has been morning, when Gavin awakes and is fussing for me to come feed him. Each day, Kirby has crept out of bed intent on soothing him. Today, as I walked toward the nursery, he held up his hand to me and said, "I got it Mom. I'll go in and soothe him for you." Rooting around for the pacifier, Kirby cooed and spoke so gently and lovingly to him that it almost made my heart burst. I felt bad having to break the news to Kirby that Gavin didn't want the pacifier - he wanted me. As I settled into the rocker to nurse, both boys came in and sat on the floor by me, keeping me company and stroking Gavin's hands and head.

"This," I thought, "is what it means to feel complete."

The Federocko Three