Through A New Lens...

I am having the most relaxing morning. Gavin slept well last night, the boys had a good morning, the house is clean (okay, not "clean" with a capital C, but clean enough that I can relax), and I've actually gotten a few personal things done. It's very quiet around here and that is also sweet music to my ears.

Last night my sister Heather, my mom, and I went to see the movie "It's Complicated". The premise of the movie is that a couple (Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep) who have been divorced for 10 years decide to "give it another shot", and have a clandestine affair (he's remarried to the woman he initially had an affair with). At the end of the movie, when their three adult children find out about their affair they are very emotional and Alec Baldwin's character asks them, "Why are you all crying? This is supposed to be good news!" The oldest daughter answers, "Because we're still getting over the divorce." I cannot begin to say how much I identified with that one little statement. My parents have been divorced for 20 years now, and while it certainly didn't scar me, it did leave little divots on my heart. I find that every so often I have to address one of those little divots, picking up the piece that was chipped out, examining it, and putting it back where it belongs, much the way a golfer does. A priest once told me that we will never be finished dealing with the problems of our past, because every time we get to a new chapter in our lives, we find that we have to face them through the lens of where we are at the time...as a teenager, a young woman, a mother, etc. It is in dealing with each little aspect of our past, a piece at a time, that allows us to heal.

My little sister is going through a divorce right now. She's given me her permission to include that information here, which is nice because she and my nephew (21 month-old Ollie) are going to be living with us and I want to be able to talk about our household happenings when it's relevant. At any rate, I will not include any details of her divorce here, because it's her story, and this is my blog. I will say though, that watching her go through the betrayal, pain and isolation caused by her divorce has caused me heartache like I have never felt before. I know that it has caused my parents and my other sister heartache as well. Not only have we had to watch someone we love get hurt, but we are also experiencing the hurt of losing a family member that we trusted. This is the new lens with which I am now viewing my parents' divorce. If I said it hasn't opened up some old wounds I'd be lying; however, I welcome the chance to repair those divots from the perspective of a 35 year-old mother - a woman who has matured a lot and come into her own in the past 20 years. Ironically, much of that is because of my experience with divorce. Maybe it's true what they say - what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.