Through A New Lens...

I am having the most relaxing morning. Gavin slept well last night, the boys had a good morning, the house is clean (okay, not "clean" with a capital C, but clean enough that I can relax), and I've actually gotten a few personal things done. It's very quiet around here and that is also sweet music to my ears.

Last night my sister Heather, my mom, and I went to see the movie "It's Complicated". The premise of the movie is that a couple (Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep) who have been divorced for 10 years decide to "give it another shot", and have a clandestine affair (he's remarried to the woman he initially had an affair with). At the end of the movie, when their three adult children find out about their affair they are very emotional and Alec Baldwin's character asks them, "Why are you all crying? This is supposed to be good news!" The oldest daughter answers, "Because we're still getting over the divorce." I cannot begin to say how much I identified with that one little statement. My parents have been divorced for 20 years now, and while it certainly didn't scar me, it did leave little divots on my heart. I find that every so often I have to address one of those little divots, picking up the piece that was chipped out, examining it, and putting it back where it belongs, much the way a golfer does. A priest once told me that we will never be finished dealing with the problems of our past, because every time we get to a new chapter in our lives, we find that we have to face them through the lens of where we are at the time...as a teenager, a young woman, a mother, etc. It is in dealing with each little aspect of our past, a piece at a time, that allows us to heal.

My little sister is going through a divorce right now. She's given me her permission to include that information here, which is nice because she and my nephew (21 month-old Ollie) are going to be living with us and I want to be able to talk about our household happenings when it's relevant. At any rate, I will not include any details of her divorce here, because it's her story, and this is my blog. I will say though, that watching her go through the betrayal, pain and isolation caused by her divorce has caused me heartache like I have never felt before. I know that it has caused my parents and my other sister heartache as well. Not only have we had to watch someone we love get hurt, but we are also experiencing the hurt of losing a family member that we trusted. This is the new lens with which I am now viewing my parents' divorce. If I said it hasn't opened up some old wounds I'd be lying; however, I welcome the chance to repair those divots from the perspective of a 35 year-old mother - a woman who has matured a lot and come into her own in the past 20 years. Ironically, much of that is because of my experience with divorce. Maybe it's true what they say - what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

A Little of This and A Little of That

A few random things come to mind today:

• Group presentations are painful...like the one I did today in my collaboration class. Even though I had two partners that are fabulous, I just don't like having to rely on someone other than myself. I guess that's why I'm taking a "Collaboration" class - so that I can become more comfortable giving up some control and working with other people. Hmmm....
• Can you believe Michael Jackson died today? The King of Pop was my first crush. "Thriller" was also the first cool record I owned. His whole life makes me sad. But, it doesn't take away from the fact that he was pure talent. Strange, but talented. I remember watching Night Flight; his videos were the only ones my mom was really okay with us watching at the time because she thought he was an incredible dancer (and he was). My cousin Ken and I started a Michael Jackson fan club. He was the president and I was the vice president. We were the only two members, and we incessantly clipped articles and collected Jackson paraphernalia. It's definitely the end of an era.
• Some birds have moved in, built a nest, and started a family right above our upstairs hallway. This means incessant chirping at various times of the day. I love it! First of all, mama and daddy bird seem to have their little chicks on the same schedule as us, and they all quiet down shortly after the boys go to bed (they also sleep in a bit later than ours). Secondly, it makes me feel like Cinderella. You know how she always had that flock of birds that followed her around and magically flew through the window right on cue? I have to admit that I think of that every time I walk through the hall and hear them. Husband just came downstairs to tell me he thinks we should cut a hole in the roof and put up some plexi-glass so that we can observe the birds. He thinks this would actually add to the value of our house, because once the birds migrate, we'll have a sky light. I'm taking this under advisement.

That's all. Just 3 very disjointed thoughts.